<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Phillip Altman Sabotages Your Wedding by in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28358142">Phillip Altman Sabotages Your Wedding</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather/pseuds/in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather'>in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>This Is Where I Leave You (2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Sex, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, difficult reader, then a great improvement next time, wedding shenanigans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:48:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,902</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28358142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather/pseuds/in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys ruining your wedding series continues, this time with the turd burglar himself, Altman.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Phillip Altman/Original Female Character(s), Phillip Altman/Reader, Phillip Altman/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>The Altmans were the kind of people who made super successful and driven children. Because they wanted to get as far away from them as soon as possible.</p><p>It was a rite of passage in your town for two full generations to have a crush on one of the Altmans. And when the book came out, as well as the special anniversary editions, people in your town could read about their childhood crush and either discover or confirm stories.</p><p>So it was a trip to suddenly have them all back.</p><p>Mort had died and you were very sorry. On the one hand, because he and Hilary complemented each other well and she would miss him. On the other, because your wedding was coming up in a few months and you had some events scheduled, like a bridal shower, for very soon. Now it felt highly inappropriate. So you were at the funeral, watching from a distance and you made plans to pay the Altmans a visit that afternoon, to offer your condolences and apologize to Hilary.</p><p>*</p><p>The service was small, solemn and dignified until Phillip showed up to put a stop to all of that, music blaring from his flashy car and cursing as he trotted across people’s graves, late to his own father’s funeral.</p><p>“What a dickhead.” – your fiancé muttered as Phillip bull-in-a-china-shopped his way in, successfully making everything about himself. Guiliano never quite forgave him for the nickname and stealing his girlfriend in middle school.</p><p>“I know.” – you sighed, turning your attention to Charles and trying to listen to the service.</p><p>Paul got in front to speak and Phillip looked around for the first time, seeing you in the distance, Guiliano’s arm around you. He looked at you for a while, until you raised your eyebrows in greeting and he winked, satisfied with attaining the attention he was after.</p><p>*</p><p>As the people filed away, heading towards their cars, Hilary waved you over and you briskly walked up, your fiancé pulling the car up, letting her know you’d come see her later and talk.</p><p>“Alright, sweetheart, I look forward to seeing you, don’t skip out on me.” – she said kissing you and pointing an elegant bony finger in your face before she was pulled away by other mourners.</p><p>“Hey, you.” – Phillip had somehow slinked up behind you and his voice came uncomfortably near, making you step away.</p><p>“Holy shit, look at you.” – Phillip said, unabashedly looking you up and down.</p><p>“Hi, Phillip.” – you said flatly, not reacting to what you assumed, in his empty head, constituted a compliment.  – “I’m sorry for your loss.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, get over here.” – he jumped at the chance to hug you, not seeming too bothered or mournful. The hug was exceedingly long and hard and inappropriate and Guiliano did not hesitate in honking to make him back off.</p><p>“We’ll pick this up later!” -  he announced as he waved after your car.</p><p>“Be nice, that’s her fiancé.” – Hilary informed her prodigal son.</p><p>“She’s marrying Julia?” – Phillip asked, aghast.</p><p>“Guiliano, yes. They make a beautiful couple.” – Hilary gushed. – ”And he would have socked you if he had seen you grab her ass just now, so don’t. If he shuts your gob, who will keep us entertained for a week?”</p><p>*</p><p>Phillip wasn’t sure he believed his mommy, but just in case, he got on the phone with Tracy immediately, working his magic to make sure he was not outdone at his own father’s wake.</p><p>He was shooting for a quickie romantic engagement, but he got ‘engaged to be engaged’. Whatever the fuck that meant. It was only because they were on the phone, Phillip comforted himself. If he had been in the room with her, he would have found ways to persuade her. Doesn’t matter. She’ll be there soon and he will get his way. Like he got his car.</p><p>*</p><p>In the middle of making up and exaggerating his business ventures, while he was trying to manually shut down his right ear and not hear his mother wax poetic about the length and girth of his recently deceased father’s hog, Phillip saw you come in, holding hands with Julia.</p><p>You briefly said hello to all the Altmans you had seen before, Guiliano in tow, and took an empty seat in front of Hilary, wanting to make this quick and not hold up the line.</p><p>“You look radiant.” – she told you, leaning in to run her hands up your thighs, never one for respecting personal space.</p><p>“You always look magnificent, Hilary.” – you returned the compliment earnestly; she did.</p><p>“Get a room, you two.” – Phillip leaned in, grinning at you and up at Guiliano, standing behind you, hands possessively on your shoulders.</p><p>“I loved – love – Mort and all of you and I am so sorry for your loss. And I just wanted to come by personally and let you know my bridal shower is in a few days. Normally, I would happily cancel everything, it’s really not the time for–” – you explained, Hilary already waving you off and Paul shaking his head no at your proposition. – “No, really, Guiliano agrees too, it feels so inappropriate. It’s just people are coming from all over the place – you, you know how it is…” – you added shyly, referring to all the people who’ve come for the funeral. – “…and you know how people get with weddings, they’d never forgive me if I took this away from them or let their plane tickets go to waste. So we’ll keep it low-key and…”</p><p>“Sweetheart.” – Hilary took your hands in hers and gave both you and your fiancé a stern, but loving look. – “You will do no such thing. With your wedding, I feel like one of my own children is getting married. And I want you to be happy. <em>That</em> will make me feel so much better.”</p><p>“And don’t worry.” - Paul added, not seeing his younger brother’s dissatisfied pout. – “Today is the biggest day for all this mourning stuff. By the time your party rolls around, it’ll be a whole different story.”</p><p>That it will, Paul, you bald asshole, thought Phillip as he watched you hug his mom, skipping him, squeezing Paul’s hand, and making your way over to Judd and Wendy, and later into the kitchen.</p><p>*</p><p>Judd was there, before he ran off, and you knew Linda would be overwhelmed with all these people. You decided to go help out and just get away from the crowd, but the worst of the crowd followed you in.</p><p>“Where’s Julia?” – Phillip asked, bending low to get in your line of sight as you arranged fresh finger sandwiches on half-empty trays to be distributed around the room.</p><p>“Guiliano.” – you said pointedly. – “Is hanging out with Paul. They get along really well.” – you informed him, trying not to look at his smarmy face.</p><p>“Figures.” – Phillip scoffed. – “I annoy both of them and they both hate me.”</p><p>“That’s just one of the many things they have in common. Not everything is about you.” – you continued your work and started making your way around the massive table, heading out, but he intercepted you.</p><p>“I can’t believe you were just gonna get married behind my back.” – he shook his head, helping himself to one of the sandwiches in the middle and ruining the whole arrangement.</p><p>“Behind your back?” – you had to ask, even though you knew it was best not to encourage or indulge him.</p><p>“Yes! How could you not tell me?”</p><p>“Why on earth would you care, Phillip?”</p><p>“Of course I care! Since when has this bs been happening?”</p><p>“My engagement.” – you corrected sternly, only refraining from cursing him out for this disrespect because his poor father wasn’t cold in the ground yet. – “Was months ago.”</p><p>“Are you kidding? Well, you don’t seem too serious about it.” – he challenged, crossing his arms.</p><p>You put down the tray and rubbed your eyes. - “You’re coming at me with a whole lot of crazy… and maybe it’s this day, taking a toll on you…”</p><p>“No. No! Don’t make this about my dad. I stalk you on all your socials and there hasn’t been a goddamn peep about this thing.” – he said, looking at your engagement ring, thinking it gaudy. It was gaudy.</p><p>“Of course I don’t post about it, it’s private. And we’re not friends on anything, I would definitely have remember and <em>not </em>accepted you anywhere.”</p><p>“I know. I had to make fake profiles. You know you’re the only one I follow on those? I have to log out of everything whenever I wanna look you up.” – he said, like it was a great, noble sacrifice.</p><p>“Well, that’s childish. And kind of sick.” – you told him. – “First of all, you have no business following me anywhere, and especially not like that, all stalkery.”</p><p>“Well, at least you can’t say I don’t care. Say I’m sorry, Phillip. You’re right, Phillip. You care about me a lot.”</p><p>“I’m not sorry, Phillip. That’s nothing to be proud of, Phillip. I’m leaving now.”</p><p>*</p><p>The next night, you were trying to put the Altmans out of your mind, going out to the bar. You were meeting some of your friends, among them Penny. She was excited to meet your cousins and friends, but first, she wanted a nice evening with you alone while Guiliano was talking shop with his buddies.</p><p>Penny saw her old crush, Judd, and dragged you along to say hi, wanting to offer her condolences since she wasn’t at the funeral. One thing led to another, the Altman charm sucked you in and you were downing shots, reminiscing about your childhood.</p><p>“Yeah, everyone I know had a crush on at least one of you.” – you shrugged when Judd looked surprised that Penny had a thing for him.</p><p>“I mean, Horry was out his mind for Wendy.” – you continued, making her sigh, reminiscing. – “Penny and Judd. And me and…” -  you started, and Phillip started nodding, assuming the answer was him. – “Paul.”</p><p>You finished and Phillip bugged his eyes out at you, head cocking like a confused dog. – “You’re kidding?”</p><p>“No, she was nuts about him!” – Penny nudged. – “She couldn’t look at him in the face!”</p><p>“Yeah! I thought you hated him, like all women.” – Phillip protested.</p><p>“Nope. I was all about it. Hope you don’t mind, Paul.” – you gave him a tight lipped smile and he actually blushed.</p><p>“Not at all.” – he muttered.</p><p>“Then why did you…” – Phillip started, leaning over the table to you, like nobody could see him. You stopped him with a death glare, ready to break the candle holder over his thick skull.</p><p>“Why did you what?” – Guiliano asked, pulling up a chair behind you, hugging you around the waist.</p><p>“Nothing.” – you said, leaning into his touch as Paul answered his phone and announced angrily he had to go have sex, to a barrage to teasing.</p><p>“You never forget your first.” – Phillip concluded sagely, teasing Paul about Judd dating his wife before him. – “Right?” – he turned to you for confirmation and wouldn’t stop looking until you agreed. Everyone picked up on something strange between you, Guiliano’s arm tightening around your waist.</p><p>“I’ve had about enough of you today, Phillip.” – Paul made people look away from you, and the tension between you and Phillip, and turn to him.</p><p>“That’s fair.” – Phillip agreed, assessing if this was going to end in another altercation.</p><p>“16–year-old me would have been green with jealousy, Paul.” – you joked to break the tension as he downed another shot.</p><p>“Go get her.” – Guiliano encouraged.</p><p>“You guys are idiots. Seriously. Off the charts.” – Wendy announced, getting her bag to go.</p><p>“Well, it seems like this party is breaking up.” – Guiliano said, sounding pretty happy about it. He asked you and Penny to join him, but Penny wanted to stay with Judd, saying the two of you would join him soon. Reluctantly, Guiliano let you go, making sure to kiss you first.</p><p>“Alright, let’s keep it appropriate, Julia.” – Phillip admonished and Guiliano was happy that his message was received the way it was intended.</p><p>“Says the man loudly discussing one brother sleeping with the other’s wife.” – he quirked an eyebrow.</p><p>“They weren’t married yet. It’s all fair game. Julia.” – Phillip gave him those eyes, a mix of puppy and taunting, that made every man want to punch him and every woman kiss it better.</p><p>“Only you would say something scumbaggy like that.” – your fiancé retorted, squeezing your shoulder, leaving and signaling he was expecting you soon.</p><p>“That’s not a word.”- Phillip teased after him. – “Your dumb Italian-faced boyfriend can’t talk real good.” – he told you, leaning over again and pushing a shot glass in front of you.</p><p>Wendy watched this unfold, thinking of how she had just comforted Tracy, worried about some bimbo Phillip had screwed once or twice. Good thing she wasn’t here now, she thought, or she would have blown a gasket. Wendy, however, was liking what she was seeing happen with Phillip, for the first time that she could recall. She just hoped he wouldn’t screw it up too badly.</p><p>*</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>CW: bad sex, loss of virginity, just general burgling the turd</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>The 20<sup>th</sup> anniversary special edition of “Cradle and All” came with some added chapters and annotations.</p><p>It provided updates on all the mortified children and their misadventures.</p><p>You were nervous to the point of nausea knowing that a chapter on Phillip would be coming out. In the original book, he was just a miracle baby, an unexpected, but welcome addition to the family; impetuous and attention-seeking, thinking the entire world revolved around him, charming and entirely incompetent, like every baby of the family.</p><p>By the 20<sup>th</sup> anniversary, he had grown into a handsome screw-up with a long list of lovers and envious enemies and Hilary relished writing about it.</p><p>Most of all, you were hoping <em>you</em> wouldn’t feature in the book at all.</p><p>Luckily, the anecdote wasn’t traceable to you and you held your breath as you waited for the book to be published.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>A favor. You had presented it to him as a business transaction, a deal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You didn’t want to leave high school unfucked and when you tried with your boyfriend, your ex by that time, it just didn’t go well and you called it off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had been getting everything ready all day. Nicest sheets he could find. Some really fancy bottle of alcohol from his dad’s cabinet – as if either of you could tell the difference. Fluffing his hair for 45 minutes in the bathroom.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You showed up at the backdoor, trying not to be spotted by anyone. Freshly showered, plucked, shaven and exfoliated. In your oversized tracksuit, perfect for slipping in and out of fast. So much for sex appeal, Phillip thought.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In his room, he tried offering you stuff, which you refused. You just wanted to get it done, demanding the lights be as low as possible. You didn’t need to be looking at him and he certainly had no business looking at you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He turned on the stereo and complied.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Phillip hardly had his tongue in your mouth before you stopped him, not wanting to kiss. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The same thing happened when he tried to touch your ass or tits. There was no chance in hell he would go down on you, you informed him, you’d rather call this whole thing off. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Despite you blocking him at every turn, something compelled Phillip to keep going. Something loving and protective – he had known you his whole life – and something more familiar, proud and vain – you had chosen him – made him want to do his best for you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He worked to prep you as well as any high school senior could, but you were all business and this didn’t make his job any easier.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With an exorbitant amount of lube and a ribbed condom, he positioned himself, struggling to make you open your legs enough. Your eyes were squeezed shut and you looked pained already, so he pet your hair for a while, as you just gritted your teeth and wished he would get on with it. Lips on your forehead and apologies in his head, he pushed in, feeling you tense up, hiss and then full out scream as he barely pushed in you past the head. The music was loud, he was anticipating some noise, but this was shocking even to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you-do you wanna stop?” – he froze, half-yelling into your ear so you would hear him over the music.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No.” – you yelled back, rubbing your eyes. You had come this far, how much worse could it get? – “Just do it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His head dropped into the crook of your neck and hand went between your bodies, trying to kiss you and touch you in a way that would make all of this easier. - “If you would just let me…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You grabbed his hand before he could find your clit, shaking your head and jerking your shoulder away, feeling that you hit him in the teeth with one of the movements. You were pretty much expecting him to kick you out of bed at that point.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t, though he was tempted. What he did do was arguably worse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He grabbed your hips hard and pushed himself in, feeling the barrier of your hymen halting him, then slowly and painfully giving way, his path expanding as it tore around him, you screaming bloody murder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You only stopped to catch your breath and he could feel your chest shaking with sobs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With even his slightest movement inside you, you would wince and whine, cursing and pushing your head into the pillow, trying to push past the discomfort.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The deeper he moved, the more you screamed. – “Does your dick fucking end, Phillip? Jesus Christ, why it so fucking big? It’s like I’m sitting on a traffic cone!” – you yelled, finally releasing the sheets you were angrily fisting, and wrapping your arms around him, trying to find some miraculous angle where this fire hose drilling into you didn’t hurt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He thrust in and out slowly, hoping that was less uncomfortable than going fast, soothingly rubbing your legs and sides. – “It’s okay, you’re doing great. You feel amazing.” – he kept trying to encourage and praise you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t care; you feel horrible!” – you yelled back, just as he finally stumbled upon a spot or two that didn’t feel like POW torture.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With all the screaming and crying and insulting, he really was performing under pressure and eventually his bravado gave out. If you were not gonna let him make you feel good the only way he knew how, he couldn’t push past you obviously hating all of this and cum, so he just eventually stilled, gave you hair a few more strokes and pulled out as gently as he could.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You weren’t a sex expert, but you knew a failure when you saw one. You sat up, insides immediately hurting with the change in angle, wrapping a sheet around yourself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Trying not to cry, from the intense pain and searing embarrassment, you took a deep breath. – “Okay, so we’re done. Thanks, Phillip, I can officially say I’m not a virgin anymore.” – you said over your shoulder, sliding gingerly over the sheets, trying not to make the pain any worse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Not even close.” – Phillip said, sheets rustling as he walked on his knees behind you, coming back from turning the blaring music off. – “There’s a whole other part that’s, arguably, much better for girls than this penetration business.” – he shrugged, pulling you back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, god.” –you rolled your eyes, feeling fresh tears forming. You just wanted to get the hell outta there and go cry in your bed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not gonna let you leave here all disappointed and angry with me.” – he said, making you lie back down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not, this is just a disaster, I should go…” – you sniffled, Phillip already wrapping you up like a burrito and cuddling up behind your, one arm under your head, keeping you close, the other around your middle, nose and lips tracing soft lines along your shoulder and neck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You could remember so starkly his boy perfume, as you teasingly called it. Before you could make out any notes in it or decide whether you liked it or not, it smelled expensive and penetrating. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So you laid with him, willing your body to go back to normal, as he whispered sweet things, about how you were beautiful and your skin was amazing, and never doubt yourself, any guy will have a great time with you – you were nothing short of perfect - don’t think about the guy, think about you and a bunch of other bs that felt really good to hear in the moment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eventually, the comforting became holding, the nuzzling became kissing and sucking, and his leg between yours told him you were feeling it too when you tried to squeeze them together. You felt trapped between arousal and panic, feeling his body crowd around you, panting and holding you tight, hips thrusting against your hips to create some friction for himself, hand working its way between your thighs. As if going down the checklist of everything you didn’t want, suddenly you were on your back, Phillip getting back on top, mouth covering yours and kissing you deeply.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You managed to push him off, heart thundering, slip on your tracksuit and run home before something you were truly not prepared for happened.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>In the years to come, Phillip wondered what it was that happened to him then.</p><p>He posited that it was maybe not cumming and cuddling with you in a state that wasn’t post-coital glow. Normally, it was different; the girl felt like some ray of sunshine purring in his arms as he rode a satisfied wave, and  he never connected to them much in that period, more focused on himself.</p><p>Whatever it was, he thought about it often, but it was the one exploit he never told people about, no matter how many times people asked.</p><p>And ask they did.</p><p>Unsurprisingly, word got around about this explosive evening at the Altman home. NIN’s <em>Closer</em> blasting on full volume and even over that infernal racket, a girl could clearly be heard screaming like a cat skinned alive.</p><p>Everyone in a mile radius knew exactly what happened that day and it didn’t take more than one guess to know it was Phillip doing the skinning.</p><p>Thanks to Phillip’s… gentlemanly restraint?…your screaming was accredited to some nameless faceless skank that young Phillip fucked so good she screamed bloody murder from start to finish. Ultimately, it served to protect your dignity and solidify his reputation, so neither of you had reason to complain.</p><p>*</p><p>Even Phillip himself, much like his other siblings, was not privy to what his revised chapter in the book contained. So you were both on pins and needles, waiting to read it the day it came out.</p><p>There was a party at the Altman home, Judd and Wendy returning briefly to congratulate their mommy on her continued efforts to humiliate the family.</p><p>You went into the kitchen under the pretense of getting a moment alone and refilling your glass with water – not to mention that the Altmans’ kitchen was your favorite room in the house. Phillip knew he should join you, so you could both have that moment of throwing off the heavy coat of fearing the worst.</p><p>“I’m so relived no one will have to know about… that whole mess.” – you laughed, burying your face in your hands, the experience seeming funny now, with some distance. – “Ugh, I would have fucking died if that came out. Can you imagine?” – you  hit him playfully on the arm and Phillip told his face to smile and lungs to expel air as he studied your profound relief and the honesty with which you expressed that being linked to him was a fate worse than death to you. – “I could never show my face around town again.” – you concluded, catching your breath and wiping the tears from the corners of your eyes from laughing too hard.</p><p>Phillip’s heart broke. He had grown immune to his family’s scolding – just due to the sheer amount of it, it eventually started rolling off his back. But now he saw in your reaction how he was perceived. He could run around to places where nobody knew him and work his magic on strangers for a bit, but this is who he was to people who knew him best. He told himself you were a bitch who never gave him an earnest chance and that he would teach himself to hate you, but even then, he knew all he wanted was to prove you wrong.</p><p>*</p><p>“I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>“Yes, I’m very sorry, ma’am, but I’ve been told to notify you that your reservation has been canceled. We are offering you a refund–”</p><p>“I don’t want a refund, I want a venue for my wedding!”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to tell you. The venue reserves the right to unilaterally end the…”</p><p>“Jesus Christ.”</p><p>“If you have any questions, you can write to us at…”</p><p>“I’ll be coming down there tomorrow in person, thank you.” – you said and hung up. This was madness. You had booked the venue practically the second you had gotten engaged, Guiliano’s family had their heart set on it for years. Even before you were in the picture. Same with Boner. He was chosen to officiate your wedding, being Guiliano’s friend, even before there was a girl to get married to. They would get an aneurysm if they found out. So you decided to sit on this insane development for a day and try to go and work it out in person. There was no reason for them to cancel on you.</p><p>*</p><p>After the fight with Tracy and practically nobody taking his side, it was time to blow off some steam. Phillip plucked Judd out of the house and dropped him to see Penny, as he promised in exchange for the information she provided him, and drove to meet the manager of the band you hired for your wedding.</p><p>“ Alright. Stay in the car, Phillip, stay in the car.” – he tried negotiating with himself, embodying his own conscience, as he always did before he went ahead and committed some atrocity.</p><p>The manager didn’t take much convincing and he had enough time to go blow a load into Chelsea and clear his mind before picking Judd up. Sure, he was late, but that was expected. So he was basically on time.</p><p>*</p><p>“Are you kidding me?” – you asked, voice so high and loud it bounced off the walls and reverberated.</p><p>“I’m very sorry, but there has been a… a mix up. With scheduling.” – the guy was making up on the spot. - “And it turns out the band is not available on that date.”</p><p>“Sir…”  - you said exhausted, in a pleading voice. – “You wouldn’t know this, but my wedding has been collapsing before my eyes all day.” – you choked up, vision blurring from tears. – “Please, tell me why you’re doing this.”</p><p>The manager’s heart softened hearing you cry and he grunted. – “Aww, man, don’t cry. It’s… It’s just… Alright, you can’t tell anyone, please, but it’s… you’ve been outbid. By, like, a lot. And the thing is, this person wants to stay anonymous…”</p><p>“Why would anyone do this?”</p><p>“Look, I, I don’t know, but I gotta go.”</p><p>“No, wait, just one moment, please.” – you sniffled, wiping your eyes, an idea coming to you in the midst of this madness.</p><p>*</p><p>“Mommy, make her come over.” – Phillip insisted after they sat shiva, oblivious of the fact that he sounded like a child.</p><p>“Honey, she’s busy putting her bridal shower together.”</p><p>“She can’t be that busy. Besides, you need companionship at a time like this.”</p><p>“I have companionship. Your siblings are here, our friends, Linda…”</p><p>“Well,<em> I</em> need companionship.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t let your family or Tracy hear you say that, in that tone. And if you want her, then you invite her, Phil.”</p><p>“She won’t come if <em>I</em> invite her.”</p><p>“Well, that’s really your problem then, isn’t it? A kind of culmination of your life’s work…” – Hilary teased until Phillip stomped off in a huff, making her feel bad and eventually relenting.</p><p>*</p><p>“We’ve already been. Why do we need to go again?” – Guiliano asked, finally home for the night after a long day at work.</p><p>“She’s my friend, she’s like an aunt to me. And she just lost her husband. Can you imagine how that feels? I’d be crushed if I ever lost you.”</p><p>Guiliano sat you across his lap and kissed you, you tangling your fingers in his hair, like he liked. - “But we have enough on our plate.” – he said, breaking the kiss and peppering little ones over your nose and face.</p><p>“I mean, you don’t have to go, I know you’re tired and you don’t wanna see…” – you left out Phillip’s name. – “I’ll just go and see if she needs anything and I’ll be back soon.”</p><p>“And what about that son of hers? Is he there or he is whoring around already?”</p><p>You lied, thinking that he was likely home. – “I assume he’s whoring around, you can’t keep him in one place too long.”</p><p>*</p><p>So you came to see Hilary and play cards with her and Linda, as you sometimes did at night, hoping to distract yourself.</p><p>Tensions were mounting; Guiliano at home, seething that the Altmans were dominating your life at a time when you should be focusing on your wedding and that prick Phillip was back in town; Tracy kept trying to make conversation with you, about your friendship and growing up with Phillip and you felt more like his adopted mom was sussing out a problem child than a girlfriend was making breezy conversation; Phillip was brazenly flirting with Chelsea, aiming to get your attention, but Tracy got caught in the crossfire, anger building. All the while, you were trying to hold yourself together and not scream about some higher power raining plagues on your wedding.</p><p>*</p><p>The next morning, the Altmans were set to go to temple and you were going with Guiliano and his parents.</p><p>Unbeknownst to the congregation, there had been a kerfuffle at their home that morning; Tracy and Phillip’s relationship was strained, Judd’s cheating wife’s pregnancy was revealed and Annie’s desperation for a baby of her own was palpable.</p><p>So when the fire alarm went off and the three Altman brothers rolled out, high as three wet kites, in the middle of a service that was honoring their father, all eyes were on them; some in amusement, others in schadenfreude.</p><p>As they were teasing Boner, shit, Charles, you rolled your eyes and left, telling Guiliano you had a quick errand to run and to catch a ride back home with his parents.</p><p>When the spectacle was done and Guiliano was chatting to a rattled Charles, he heard Phillip assure his mommy he was good to drive and he would be home soon. His eyes followed the flashy car as it drove in the direction you left in and Phillip saw him.</p><p>“Looking good, Julia! See ya tonight, Boner!” – he honked several times as he peeled out into the street, god forbid he wasn’t the center of attention for more than 30 seconds.</p><p>*</p><p>You were sitting in the band manager’s office, hoping to ambush whoever was trying to sabotage your wedding in this bizarre way. The manager had asked the culprit to come down and sign some papers in person, and was now trying to have some awkward small talk with you, which you refused to engage in.</p><p>“Hey, man!” – Phillip came bursting through the door, still wet and smelling like a stoned dog, crown askew on his head. He winced defensively when he saw you sitting there and then shooting up to you feet.</p><p>“What the fuck is wrong with you, Phillip?” – you yelled, swinging your purse and hitting his balled up form several times before running out.</p><p>“So she…” – Phillip stood up, inspecting his broken sunglasses.</p><p>“She knows, I’m sorry. You mind singing these real quick for me?”</p><p>“I do, actually. Fuck your band.” – Phillip shook his head, running out to catch up to you.</p><p>*</p><p>You were almost at your car, so he ran full speed, crashing into you and making you fall back across him and picking you up like a sack, running you back to his car.</p><p>“Put me down, you reprehensible piece of garbage!” – you beat your fists down his back, all the while hoping he had a firm enough grip on you not to drop you and crack your skull on the concrete.</p><p>He set you down roughly, jumping over the hood and starting the car in a flash as you still struggled to get the door open and leave, making you almost fall out as he took off at lightning speed.</p><p>“Talk to me.” – Phillip demanded driving down an empty road way too fast.</p><p>“I will never say another goddamn word to you.” – you spat back and gripped the seat as he kept speeding up.</p><p>“Awesome, then why don’t I just crash us into this tree?”  - he asked, swerving hard and sharp.</p><p>“Phillip!” – you screamed, arms flying over his to set the wheel back straight.</p><p>He laughed in triumph. - “And we’re talking again.”</p><p>“That was a scream!”</p><p>“I like making you scream.”</p><p>You balled up a fist and hit him as hard as you could on the shoulder, actually making him cry out and rub the spot.</p><p>In retaliation, he stepped on the gas some more, going so fast that your stomach was genuinely queasy and you knew in your bones if anyone happened to jump out, either they would die or you would trying to avoid them.</p><p>“I’m not gonna scream again, you prick!” – you told him, trying to shut your eyes, but that only made the dangerous speed worse.</p><p>“Good. I’d rather make you scream for the right reasons, pussycat.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare bring that up, and especially not now!”</p><p>“Why not? It seems like the perfect time! You solicited me, like a hooker, and I loved the experience of it so much, it set down the wrong path. You basically ruined my whole life. And you just wanna get married and wash your hands of me. No. You need to make this right somehow.”</p><p>You listened to him twist the facts of your entirely harmless encounter, as if he wasn’t already an ass hound by that time – that being exactly why you solicited, I mean, propositioned, or made a deal with, him in the first place. – “Oh, shut. Up. You know, you love taking. You take people’s good will, money, will to live. Why not take some responsibility for a change?”</p><p>“Gladly. When you admit you were one of the first people to make me feel used. You took something from me and now I’m taking something from you. That’s how the game is played.”</p><p>“My wedding is not a game, asshole! You wanna hear me scream? Here goes! I love Giuliano and you can outbid him in everything, you can burn our fucking house down if you want - you will not stop this. Not with your fat dick or Tracy’s fat wallet. I would never be with you because you have nothing to offer me and I feel nothing but disgust for you. You useless, thoughtless homunculus!”</p><p>The car suddenly stopped, making you shoot forward, and you realized you were near the manager’s office again. Phillip stared straight ahead, hands tight around the wheel, knuckles white. He looked like his soul had left his body. You almost wanted to reach out and shake him out of this state when he started the car again, driving at a reasonable speed and stopping next to Giuliano’s car so you could hop out and go home.</p><p>He looked so shaken up that you almost, <em>almost</em>, wanted to apologize for being that harsh – of course you had exaggerated what you thought, but you knew you couldn’t give any more blood to this vampire. So you got out and slowly got into your car, all the while expecting him to peel out into the road and leave you in the dust. But he didn’t.</p><p>He just sat there, crown rolled into the backseat, eyes hiding beneath his lashes, looking like a kicked puppy.</p><p>*</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>CW: angst, fluff, a whole lot of talking stuff out</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Non c'è più serata in giro e chiami tu </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Non c'è più nessuno che ti fa</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Pensare male di me</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Ma in fondo non sai se crederci veramente</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Pensare male di me</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Anche quando non vuoi poi fai finta di niente</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Lascia un vestito da me così domani potrai</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Avere ancora la scusa</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Per ritornare da me ma in fondo non vuoi</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Andare via veramente</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>Four days. One, two, three, four.</p><p>It took Phillip Altman four days to completely turn your life upside down. Ruin it.</p><p>You didn’t know when you woke up that by sundown, you would be scrambling to keep an ounce of sanity.</p><p>*</p><p>Tracy found out a whole lot of her money was being spent on some very odd things in the last three days. She talked to Wendy and Judd, trying to figure out what might be going on. She was more focused on the odds of Phillip having slept with Chelsea, which everyone knew were astronomical. However, both Judd and Wendy knew that was the least of her problems. She may have been the best and classiest woman to believe in Phillip, but you were the one who forced him to do things and fight for what he wanted. You did not accept him with his flaws and take his worthless word that he would change. Which was all Tracy ever did.</p><p>So she decided to join the Altman siblings out at the bar that night, coincidentally the place where you took your friends and family to have a bit of fun after the formalities of the bridal shower.</p><p>*</p><p>Penny was immediately all over Judd, so she heralded the coming of these unwanted guests.</p><p>Wendy came over to congratulate you, so you were bound by courtesy to go and say hi to the group. You were corralled to stay and have a drink with them, dishing about the wedding – Tracy in particular asking a lot of details.</p><p>Guiliano’s tattling sister immediately let him know who was at the bar and he showed up within minutes, although he technically had no business at your party.</p><p>He approached the table where you were sitting with obvious enmity, but Tracy managed to deescalate everything, finding a lot in common with your fiancé and his frustration with this unfolding week.</p><p>“Sorry, I guess I was just surprised to see you all out, like that spectacle at temple never happened.” – Guiliano pretend-apologized, making a toast, which only Tracy was happy to return.</p><p>“Oh, I am so with you on that. I didn’t see it, but I know how Phillip can get.”</p><p>“I mean, I don’t care what people do on their own time, but at temple? In front of the congregation? With Mort just passing away? People are saying it was really disgraceful.”</p><p>“I understand. I’m always trying to help Phillip find a better way to deal…”</p><p>“Well, since you two are having such a great time shit talking me, maybe you wanna get a separate table and not let us interrupt?” – Phillip smiled, eyes flashing angrily. – “Another round? Shots? Wine for you, pussycat? What’ll it be?” – he asked, turning to you.</p><p>“I’m not picky, I’ll take any.” – you shrugged, looking awkwardly at the tablecloth.</p><p>“Oh, we’ve seen that.” – Phillip confirmed, winking at Guiliano.</p><p>“The fuck did you say?” – he shot up, pushing the table and knocking some glasses over in the process.</p><p>“Just ignore him. Everyone who’s smart ignores him.” – you reached out, rubbing his arm, placating.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s Phillip.” – Wendy shrugged.</p><p>“Nobody’s ever taken him seriously. Can you imagine?” – Paul confirmed, nudging Judd, who looked at his brother, hoping he doesn’t lash out.</p><p>“Yeah, to hell with me, I’m just a useless, thoughtless homunculus.” – Phillip shrugged, visibly upset.</p><p>You all sat in silence for a few beats, Guiliano calming down and smoothing his hair back into place.</p><p>“Alright.” – you fake smiled, sighing. – “It’s been delightful, but I really should be getting back to my guests.” – you announced and Tracy perked up before you could go.</p><p>“Oh, but you never ended up telling us about you venue! What are you gonna do now that it’s no longer available?”</p><p>“What?” – Guiliano asked, looking between the two of you.</p><p>“Nothing, Tracy is confused. There was this… Doesn’t matter, it’s gonna be fine.” – you stuttered, trying not to let his temper flare up again.</p><p>“I don’t know about that – the reservation is now under Phillip’s name, on my card – it’s him that you need to work it out with.” – Tracy feigned innocence, leaning back in her chair and glaring at you.</p><p>“What exactly is going on here?” – Guiliano repeated, turning away from you and focusing on Tracy, showing that he trusted her over you.</p><p>“It seems that <em>my</em> fiancé is running around, slowly pulling out jengas from you wedding tower and <em>your</em> fiancée is doing nothing to stop him.”</p><p>“Weren’t you ‘engaged to be engaged’?” – Wendy asked in a small voice, for her own amusement.</p><p>“Are you serious right now?” – you slammed your fists on the table – how the fuck did you become the bad guy in this situation? – “I’ve been trying to put out fires Phillip’s been setting this whole time! If you’re gonna play mommy for him, then you better keep that bitch boy in check!”</p><p>Before Tracy could respond, Guiliano did. - “Have you been fucking covering for him? What am I asking – you obviously have. Why? Why are you doing this?” - he grabbed your arm and pulled you towards him, making Judd and Paul leap out of their seats.</p><p>“Honey, please, let’s just go home and talk about…”- you were trying to signal to both of them it was fine while calming Guiliano down.</p><p>“Sit down, you fucking clowns.” - Guiliano ordered the Altmans. – “I’m gonna fucking kill him.” – he told you, releasing you and walking in determined strides towards the bar.</p><p>*</p><p>“What’s all that commotion about?” – Phillip asked, raising his hands up defensively, seeing Guiliano fast approaching.</p><p>“It’s your mom over there, unable to keep her trap shut!” – you told him, trying to wrap your arms around Guiliano and prevent him from assaulting Phillip.</p><p>“Whoa, look at you, all catty! I though you didn’t care about superficial stuff, like Julia’s dumb Italian face?” – Phillip teased, not helping at all.</p><p>“I’m gonna sue the shit out of you, Phillip!” – Guiliano threatened as you and his sister pulled him towards the door, desperately trying to break this mess up.</p><p>“For what, Julia? Spending my money how I want?” – Phillip laughed.</p><p>“You <em>have </em>no money, Phillip!” - Tracy yelled from where she was sitting, you could all be heard throughout the bar.</p><p>“Now your wife boinking Beaufart doesn’t seem so bad, does it?” – Wendy asked Judd, painfully aware that all eyes were on and all chatter was about them.</p><p>“You’re just lucky Barry is an absentee husband – makes marriage a whole lot easier.” – Judd jabbed back, feeling numb.</p><p>*</p><p>You spent the entire next day first breaking through Guiliano’s silent treatment and then going in circles, arguing and arguing, as if the Altmans were the root of all the world’s problems.</p><p>Instead of spending time with all the people who drove or flew out to be there with you, you had to listen about how somehow you were to blame for everything Phillip had ever done and how his family would never forgive you for fucking up the wedding.</p><p>You thought about going to your parents’ house to sleep and take a little break from this whole situation, but they thought it was better if you stayed with Guiliano and tried to work it out with him – after all, they reminded, he was such a catch, your lives were entirely intertwined and you had to learn to deal with him for better or worse.</p><p>*</p><p>The Altmans had a big day as well; with Wendy and Horry…reconnecting, Phillip broadcasting the possible conception of his niece or nephew to the entire neighborhood, Judd getting it on with Penny, but then having a scare when his wife thought she was losing their baby, then a fight breaking out at the hospital and finally Hilary and Linda having a blowout.</p><p>Under the pretense of checking in on Horry, you visited the Callens, really just wanting to get away from Guiliano, who was doing everything to make you cry and apologize some more, never getting enough of your attrition. So you somehow ended up commiserating with the two of them, unable to be with the two Altmans they loved, as you expressed a desire for your own Altman to stop ruining your life.</p><p>*</p><p>“Sweetie, you better come quick!” – Linda called you outside, startling you awake on their couch. Both Linda and Horry offered you their room for the night, but you insisted on staying on the couch.</p><p>All hell was breaking loose on the Altmans’ lawn. Tracy leaving Phillip, Judd and Paul fighting, Phillip breaking them up while arguing with Guiliano, who was accusing him of sleeping with you or god knows what, Linda and Hilary desperately trying to put a stop to it all.</p><p>With one expert move, they did.</p><p>The kiss made everyone freeze where they stood.</p><p>“Did you guys not know about that?” – Horry asked, munching away on an apple. -“We have a lot to discuss.” – he smiled, putting an arm around you and leading you into the house, while the neighbors dispersed.</p><p>“You’re not going.” – Guiliano stated as a fact.</p><p>“Of course she is. This is a family issue. She’s family.” – Phillip chimed in, walking closer.</p><p>“She’s not your family, asshole. She’s mine.”</p><p>“Guiliano, please. Not now.” – you begged, exhausted from a whole day of arguing and being insulted by him. – “This is a very delicate issue…”</p><p>“And I can’t believe you never told me! First this whole Julia marriage thing, then mommy’s a lesbian and you’re yelling at me about a <em>band</em>?” -  Phillip cut in.</p><p>“Shut up!” – you kicked your leg in his direction, making him stay back.</p><p>“What we’re going through is a delicate issue.” – Guiliano chided.</p><p>“Of course it is!” – you readily agreed. – “But god, can you put Phillip aside for one second? I grew up with these people. Wendy gave me tampons when I was too embarrassed to bring pads to school and she saw me dumping them in their trash.”</p><p>“Gross.”</p><p>“What do you mean gross? You’ve been on dozens of tampon and ice cream runs for me. Paul was my first crush.”</p><p>“Still blows my mind.” – Phillip added.</p><p>“When he still had hair.” – you clarified. – “Will you just go inside?” – you kicked at him again. – “Mort drove me to school. Hilary baked me a cake the size of my car when I finally got my driver’s license.”</p><p>“I get that. But it’s time to leave them in the past. You’ll be making memories with my family now.”</p><p>“You… you’re just not getting it. I can’t just walk away when they need someone to help.”</p><p>Guiliano pulled away from you, scoffing. – “This is embarrassing. That you can’t see what you’re doing. And how you’re making me look in the process. I’m not gonna stand for it and let you humiliate me, like these freaks do to each other.”</p><p>“Me embarrass you? I literally had to go sleep at Linda’s because you were about to fucking waterboard me. Is that not humiliating? I was trying to fix everything and not upset you, and you go ahead and a make a scene at the bar, and somehow that is my fault? You know, I can only indulge your hurt feelings and jealousy so much before it starts feeling like we have a real problem, outside of this nonexistent one.”</p><p>“I’ll only fucking tell you once.” – Guiliano got in your face. “If you walk into that house, do not come back into mine. I’m serious.”</p><p>You stood, looking into his eyes, so cold and hateful, threatening to throw away years of a relationship and your utter dedication to him and to winning over his impossible-to-please family down the drain… over this? A conversation with a family in turmoil? Whatever was connecting you to him snapped – quietly and without pomp, but permanently. – “Fine. I’m not gonna beg you to be with me. But if you’re breaking this off because of Phillip, you are wrong. I want nothing to do with him.”</p><p>“Whatever. I’ve had enough of looking like a jackass.”</p><p>“Then you should lose those shoes, Julia.” – Phillip said, snatching your hand and running you inside.</p><p>*</p><p>After the talk with Linda and Hilary, everyone needed some time to process, so they each went to their separate corners and rooms.</p><p>“You’re welcome to come back with us, honey.” – Linda told you as she and Horry got up to leave.</p><p>“Thanks, new mommy, but she’ll be staying with us.” – Phillip announced, taking you by the hand and leading you up the stairs.</p><p>“Just make sure to turn off the baby monitor.” – Hilary teased, making Phillip chuckle, and you punch him in the back, revealing that you knew what that meant.</p><p>*</p><p>“It’s the only empty bed in the house, now that Tracy’s gone. But I cross my heart and hope to die, I’m keeping it platonic. No matter how hard you end up coming after me.”</p><p>“Oh, good. I’m counting on your legendary restraint.”</p><p>“People can change.  I can change. I <em>have</em> changed.”</p><p>“Good for you.”</p><p>“And good for you on moving on from Julia.”</p><p>“I’m not, Phillip. I still want to marry him. He’s great, an incredible catch. I’m learning Italian, we’re working together, his family likes me, finally – it took forever. I even had to start going to temple and learning about Judaism.”</p><p>“You’re converting for him?”</p><p>“No, Boner says it’s not necessary.”</p><p>“You were really gonna let him officiate?”</p><p>“He wasn’t my choice. And stop talking in the past tense.”</p><p>“Good, at least you didn’t consider converting for Julia, that really would have hurt.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“If you converted for him, but not for me.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Remember? When we were kids, Mort was driving us to school…”</p><p>“Oh, my god!” – you finally remembered. – “That was kindergarten, Phillip.”</p><p>“Beside the point. I asked you to convert to marry me, I saw it in a movie the night before.”</p><p>“I thought you were joking!”</p><p>“I wasn’t. And you said no. I remember that.”</p><p>“No, hold on. Mort heard us and said your family wasn’t religious and there was no need for that.”</p><p>“Yeah, but my question was <em>would you</em>. And you said no.”</p><p>“You see, you were always so self-serving, ever since you could walk. It wasn’t necessary; you just wanted me to do something for <em>you</em>. You wanted to win.  You’re just proving my point.”</p><p>“I don’t care what I’m proving. I’m telling you what happened.”</p><p>“Fine. Whatever. Mazel tov, as your people say.”</p><p>*</p><p>After dinner, which was surprisingly restrained - seems like even the Altmans, with their endless chaotic potential, had had enough for one day - you went up to your room and sat out on the roof, looking out over the neighborhood as the last light of day was fading.</p><p>You smelled Phillip’s boy perfume before you saw or heard him clamber out to join you, sitting with his hips touching yours.</p><p>“What are you thinking about?” -  he asked, directing his puppy eyes at you.</p><p>“Wendy and Horry. Penny and Judd. Paul and Annie. Does anybody ever move the fuck on in this town?”</p><p>“Julia seems to be moving on from you just fine.” -  he grinned to himself.</p><p>“Is that all it takes, is that your timeframe, you demon? Just one week back in town? And everyone’s life is ruined?” – you asked, without any real anger behind your words.</p><p>“I would say… it’s all finally coming together. We’ve known each other our whole lives, we can’t lie to each other. So tell me what’s so great about Julia? What are you missing out on?”</p><p>“You don’t understand, he’s my whole life. We live together. We work together. And now my hands are totally tied; I can’t go to his folks for help, he’s their golden boy. Or mine, they’re too stoked on us getting married. I have nothing without him.”</p><p>“And you don’t see a problem with that?”</p><p>“I do, Phillip, but there’s a difference between making a life together and…”</p><p>“Being somebody’s prisoner? No independence? No prospects of your own?”</p><p>“Pot-kettle.” – you motioned from him to you. – “Why did you have to go and do all of this?” – you sighed, resting your head against your knees.</p><p>“I know it was… a lot. I just thought we would reconnect when I could show you how I changed, when I was better and you stopped looking down your nose at me. But that’s been… taking a while. And you’re very judgy. And then dad… If this week has taught me anything, it’s that we don’t have the time we think we do. So I had to get on with it.”</p><p>“Get on with what? You were engaged already.”</p><p>“<em>Engaged to be engaged</em>.” – he did air quotes. – “That doesn’t mean anything.”</p><p>“Then how do you expecting me to trust you? What means something to you?”</p><p>“Getting your attention. I think we’ve seen how far I’m willing to go for it.”</p><p>“Sure, but what does that prove?”</p><p>“I don’t know exactly. But I do know we both loved the idea of these two people. You love the idea of Julia, a good husband, boring and dependable. And I loved the idea of Tracy, a classy, smart woman, someone who should never be duped by an idiot like me, giving me everything. But at the end of the day, it’s us, sitting on my roof and those two hate us.”</p><p>You contemplated what he said for a long time, the darkness growing thick and oppressive around you.</p><p>“Come on. Come to bed.” – Phillip said softly, giving you a quick kiss on the shoulder and climbing back inside.</p><p>*</p><p>You came out of the bathroom in Phillip’s old pajamas to find him on his side, tapping your side of the bed to join him.</p><p>“I trust I don’t have to stress to you – no funny business?”</p><p>“And yet, you just did. No, sorry to disappoint you, my dick’s office hours are over. All platonic stuff ahead.”</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>You laid down, facing him as you settled in, and sure enough, an arm snaked around you, pulling you closer. – “Phillip.”</p><p>“What? I’m just getting comfortable, we’re about to have one of those late night heart-to-hearts.”</p><p>“Are we?”</p><p>“Yeah! I’m not even out of my jammies, you can touch it to see.”</p><p>“I’ll take your word for it.”</p><p>You closed your eyes for a while, trying to relax and finally shut your brain down when he spoke again.</p><p>“You know, I did you a real solid here when you think about it.”</p><p>An involuntary laugh bubbled out from your chest. – “This I gotta hear.”</p><p>“Seriously. Alright, check it out.” – he folded his pillow so his head was higher and pulled in closer, excited. – “If you had become Mrs. Julia, everyone would envy you, right? Great. But take a look at Wendy. Barry is basically what you would be getting, and everyone would come before you. Even before your kids. So years later, you come home, still pining after the guy with the faulty brain…” – he motioned to himself – “hating your stupid, Italian-faced husband. Cut to, one year later, you’re divorced, like Wendy’s probably about to be. Three years later, you’re Tracy - screwing a man-child, but that man-child won’t have loved you his whole life. So I’m really saving you a whole lot of trouble here.”</p><p>“Your generosity knows no bounds.”</p><p>“You’re just lucky I got over my jealousy of you and I’m putting it work for you, not against you.”</p><p>“What jealousy?” – you snorted.</p><p>“Never mind. You, always with the yapping; let me sleep, god, don’t you know I’ve had a long day?”</p><p>“Phillip!”</p><p>“Fine.” – he sighed, feeling nervous to bring up that story. – “This was also around the time you refused to denounce Jesus for me, by the way. We were… on the porch. You were trying to play house, I was sabotaging you.”</p><p>“Sounds about right.”</p><p>“And Mort came out, just as I was doing something to annoy you. You tattled on me because you were such a blabbermouth.”</p><p>“I was not!”</p><p>“So he kneeled, hands on your head, to calm you down. And I was holding my breath, I remember my chest hurt in anticipation of what he would do. And he… kissed the top of your head.” – he stopped abruptly.</p><p>You kept waiting for the end of the story, but that was it. – “And?”</p><p>“Nothing. I just sat there, so sad and jealous. Because I thought he loved you. And it was so easy for him to show it. I don’t remember him kissing my head like that. Ever. And so I did what any mature person would do, I called you some name and pulled your hair and ran inside.”</p><p>“Yeah, Mort wasn’t a big kisser, I do remember that.”</p><p>“He had this forehead thing he would do. And in hindsight, I get that he couldn’t very well do that to a child from another family. Hey, mom, guess what uncle Mort did today? Got super uncomfortably close and put his face in mine, real creepy like. Did I mention I’m five?”</p><p>You chuckled, sympathizing with young Phillip, understanding how kids took things to heart.</p><p>“And you were just so perfect: nice and respectful and smart. Everything I wasn’t. And I wondered if he would ever love me like th–” -  Phillip’s voice gave out and you felt him shake as he started crying.</p><p>“Oh, Phillip.” – you felt your heart break for this idiot, who finally seemed a real person; open and flawed and vulnerable and so fragile.  You hugged him and pulled him into your chest, making a fort around him with your arms and the blanket, so he could feel protected as he wept.</p><p>“Sorry, this was supposed to be your vent session.” – he breathed in sharply after a while, trying to play the breakdown off. – “So… Is that when you started hating me?”</p><p>“When you pulled my hair? No.” – you chuckled.</p><p>“Then when was it?”</p><p>“I never hated you. But there was that one time… You asked to borrow my pen. You said it was because you liked it and you wanted something of mine. It was the first time a boy said something like that to me.”</p><p>“And then what happened?”</p><p>“After recess, you said the same thing to some other girl.” – you laughed and he scrunched up his nose, half-expecting that, half-disappointed in himself. – “So I just decided you were not to be trusted.”</p><p>“Yeah, I am just a despicable homunculus, huh?” – he asked, nestling into your chest.</p><p>“No. You’re impossible not to love, Phillip. But you’re just tricky. Slippery. And I’m way too unforgiving. See why we would be a terrible match?”</p><p>“Yeah. You still have a lot of work to do on yourself.” – he said and you punched him again, making him roll over and finally go to sleep.</p><p>*</p><p>The next morning, by the time you woke up, Phillip was already out of bed, leaving some of his old clothes for you to wear when you came down for breakfast. You rolled over and reached for you phone on the nightstand, to see the time and heard something fall and roll on the floor.</p><p>You picked it up and put it down, unlocking your phone, checking messages and your email and it took about half a minute before something swam out from the dark recesses of your memory and clicked in your head.</p><p>You looked back and picked the pen back up. It was your marker, with the built in heart stamp, the one Phillip asked to borrow all those years ago. You opened it and, sure enough, it was all dried up, but he still had it. Leaving it on the night stand for you to see.</p><p>Alright, you thought, hearing you loud and clear, Phillip, you incorrigible bastard.</p><p>You found him sitting at the table in the empty kitchen, barely awake, with a coffee cup in his hand.</p><p>You tiptoed over to him, crossing your arms over his chest from behind and kissing the top of his head.</p><p>He didn’t know it was you immediately, but he recognized your hands as they slid around him and he covered them with his, feeling happy tears fill his eyes at your gesture.</p><p>*</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My whole existence is flawed<br/>You get me closer to God<br/>*<br/>CW: sessy times, some spanking, possessiveness; you can skip the lower half if you don’t like that</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>All the grown up Altmans were leaving and you tried to give them their privacy, but that was a notion they had long dispensed with, so you were pulled into group hugs and people were whispering things to you all day.</p><p>You hugged Wendy as she was getting into her car and she squealed. – “You know I was always kinda rooting for you? I have a sixth sense about this.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.  I mean, I love Phillip, but obviously, you’re too good for him. And you’re smart enough to know it. But hypothetically, I always liked the idea of you two together. Please, don’t dump him before I visit again.”</p><p>“I’ll try.” – you smiled, smelling Phillip’s boy perfume as he approached.</p><p>“Seriously, lock this down. Put a baby in her or lock her in the basement – mom put a folding bed in there, it’s not bad.” – she told Phillip, who you could feel nodding on your shoulder.</p><p>As Judd and Paul talked, Phillip dragged you inside to eat some kugel, telling you you needed to carbo-load because he was taking you out that night to celebrate your engagement breaking off.</p><p>“Oh, what a fantastic idea!” – Hilary clapped her hands in delight.</p><p>*</p><p>Judd did his best to sneak out undetected later in the day, but you saw him and tapped Phillip’s foot.</p><p>He intercepted him and told him how Paul offered jobs to both him and you.</p><p>“Yeah, he had a bunch of addendums and conditions for me. To her, he just made an offer.”</p><p>“Well, he knows her. And he knows you.”</p><p>“And I’m an idiot.” – Phillip grinned, happy as a clam.</p><p>“You’re… our brother.” – Judd nodded.</p><p>“Can you believe I finally got her?” – Phillip leaned in conspiratorially.</p><p>“Honestly? No. So we’re all, Paul included, working hard to make sure she doesn’t get away.”</p><p>*</p><p>Before you set off for the night, you were still just wearing Phillip’s old sweats and a hoodie, going up to get your phone off the charger in his room when he came in, closed the door and hugged you, spinning you around and crashing on the bed.</p><p>With no preamble, he took your face in his hands and dove in for a kiss, but you ducked out of the way. – “Hold on, don’t kiss me, that’s weird, it really feels rude somehow.”</p><p>“What, to Julia? The guy who kicked you out of your house and took your job?” -  he asked, poking you in the side, challenging.</p><p>“Ow! But yeah, this whole celebrating my disengagement – it’s funny, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”</p><p>“Listen. I didn’t sabotage your wedding, while sitting shiva for my dad - multitasking, hello? – <em>not</em> to fucking kiss you.” – Phillip explained, thumb stroking along your jaw.</p><p>You shook your head, lifting it to capture his lips in a kiss and pulling him down, enjoying how he took control, parting your lips and playing with you, teasing you with his tongue, biting on your lip, making you chuckle and moan.</p><p>*</p><p>At the bar, you tried to go to a secluded spot and keep it low-key, but nothing was ever low-key with Phillip.</p><p>Soon he had you out of your seat, hands on your hips, swaying you to a song.</p><p>“Come on, man, someone will see.” – you tried to make him stop.</p><p>“Fuck them, let them see.” – he said, pressing his forehead into yours, making those pleasant shivers run up and down your spine. – “Put your arms around me.” – he said, closing his eyes.</p><p>“You’re not gonna win this, I’ve already given you so much today.” – you warned, thinking he was trying to put on a show and make people tell everyone what they saw you two doing.</p><p>“This isn’t about me winning. My cards are very much on the table. I want you and did all I could to get you. I just need you to hold me because I am exhausted and I need you and I’ve been through a lot and I have a lot of feelings right now.” – he told you, looking hard into your eyes, pulling your hips harder into his and you wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him softly at first, and then deeper and deeper, until you really needed to take it outside.</p><p>*</p><p>“Where are we going now?” – you asked as he drove off in an unfamiliar direction.</p><p>“Somewhere fun.”</p><p>“You gonna take me to makeout point?”</p><p>“Wherever I park is makeout point.”</p><p>“Touché.”</p><p>“In fact… This’ll be fine.” – he said, parking in front of the warehouse that held their store’s stock.</p><p>“Romantic.”</p><p>“Romantic or not, we’re about to consummate this relationship, gorgeous.” – he said, grabbing you and pulling you out of your seat roughly, making you sit in his lap.</p><p>You snickered, deciding to go with the flow and kissed him, feeling him immediately slide his hands down to your hips, making you undulate and grind against the bulge in his pants. - “You’ve been giving me blue balls for a decade and a half, you know that?” – he asked, dragging you roughly over his crotch, making a lot of heat and friction immediately. He’ll fuck you nice and slow some other time – his mission now was to make you scream and cum and get you hooked. You chuckled, in part because of his words and in part because you were humping like teenagers in a car. – “Oh, she thinks that’s funny.” – he remarked, arm gripping around your ass, hoisting you both up and throwing you in the back seat, climbing in there with you and making quick work of your bottoms, the nights air chilly on your bare skin.</p><p>“You gonna let me do this right this time?” – he asked, eyes twinkling in the darkness.</p><p>You bit your lip, still kind of amused. Apparently, you hesitated too long for his liking.</p><p>You heard the spank before you felt it, the sharp clap of skin on skin, pain soon spreading through your cheek. – “I can’t hear you.” – Phillip warned, rubbing soothing circles into the skin he just mercilessly marked.</p><p>“Phillip!” – you admonished, surprised at his boldness. And surprised at your body, really responding to it.</p><p>Another smack reverberated through the quiet night air, right at the same spot, intensifying the pain that was just starting to dissipate. – “Tell me!”</p><p>“Tell you what?”</p><p>“You can do what you want to me, Phillip.” – he instructed you.</p><p>You twined your fingers in his hair before pulling on it roughly, making him grunt and shut his eyes in pain, cock hardening instantly in his pants.</p><p>“You can do what you want to me, Phillip.”</p><p>He was between your legs in a blink, greedily lapping at you, spreading you open and going right for the sweet spot, prodding with his tongue and lips until your hips jerked and he knew he found the spot he needed to hunt down and demolish for you to fall apart for him.</p><p>He felt you gush and pulse as he clamped his lips over it and sucked, so hard you thought he would inhale you, suck your clit right off your body. It was fucking blinding and you whimpered, trying to get away from him, the feeling too intense.</p><p>“What’s the matter, gorgeous?” – he asked, spanking you again for making him let you go. – “Too much?” – he felt you buckle under him, clenching from the spank and sucked his teeth in satisfaction. – “Or maybe she wants more of that?” – he mused, hitting you harder than before, then again, and sank into you again, sliding his mouth around in the slick, tongue pushing into the source of it, easily slipping in. He groaned as he kneaded at your ass, making you wonder when the next spank would come, quivering in anticipation and throbbing against him.</p><p>You played with his hair as he did things you never felt before, all sorts of surprised and needy sounds jumping out of your body whenever he did something new.</p><p>“Look at me, gorgeous.” – he demanded into your flesh, teeth dragging through your folds as you pulled at his hair to lift him off you and make him stop that, his hand rubbing at your cheek again, making you wince in anticipation of another hit. – “Fuck my face, show me what you like.” – he asked, eyes locked on you, lips kissing, tongue swirling, and you rolled your hips, movements choppy and desperate, getting agonizingly close.</p><p>“Fuck, Phillip.” – you closed your eyes and threw your head back when it became too much, slowly losing control of your senses.  </p><p>He pulled back, licking his lips and coating his whole mouth in you and your eyes snapped open, searching for him. – “Phillip!” – you whined, feeling small tears form in the corners of your eyes, you were just seconds away from exploding into an orgasm.</p><p>“Aww, look at her. You want some more of me?” – he asked, reaching into his pants and pulling out his hard dick, throbbing just at the thought of being inside of you.</p><p>“Mhm.” – you breathed out, both wanting and not wanting another spank.</p><p>“Well, this is my pussy now. And you cum when I decide.” – he said possessively, stroking himself, feeling a wave of heat and arousal wash over him when he called you his.</p><p>“Say it. It’s mine.”</p><p>“It’s yours.”</p><p>“And I decide.”</p><p>“You decide.”</p><p>“Ungh, good.” – he threw his head back, fireworks exploding in his body from your voice and wrapped one of your legs over his hip, teasing himself, and you, with his leaking head, gliding over your folds.</p><p>He steadied himself with a hand on the door behind your head, leaning down to kiss you, feeling the moan from your lips and your chest falling with the sound as he slipped in, no resistance this time. He pushed in slowly and deliberately, feeling every ridge and spot inside, seating himself as deep as he would go, then stopping and panting on top of you, as you gripped him and squeezed around him.</p><p>You pressed your foreheads together, caressing his face as he caught his breath and you relished the fullness, the connection, everything he was making you feel that you never knew you could.</p><p>He pulled out just as slowly, making you arch your back under him, to feel him better, and dipped his head to suck and nip at your neck.</p><p>“Fuck, Phillip, not the neck.” – you shuddered as his teeth grazed a particularly sensitive spot, hair tickling you.</p><p>“Yeah, the neck.” – he pressed on, huffing hot air against it, thrusting in and out, beginning to grunt as he picked up speed. – “It’s mine.” – he blurted out, talking messily as everything in him tightened, building so much pressure that he was almost afraid his body wouldn’t be able to take it. – “This is mine.” – he smacked your ass again, moving his hand between your bodies and searching for your clit in the swollen, quivering flesh. – “And this, you’re all mine now.” – his hips started snapping into you, bodies making obscene noises against the leather of the seats and he hoped you’d be finishing soon because he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. Your walls tightening around him, impossibly deep and hard, spurred him on, chest starting to hurt from the chilly hair he was gulping in as his body worked hard to satisfy you both.</p><p>He didn’t need to ask you to scream; you shot up, muscles taut and unmoving, letting out screams into the night right by his ear and he felt himself release successive ropes, thick and hot, into you as you finally slumped down and whined some more, trying to catch your breath. He joined you, distantly aware of your arms holding him and moving his damp hair from his face as the massive load leaked lazily out between you until he eventually got up and found something you clean you both up with.</p><p>*</p><p>He kissed the back of your hand the whole drive home; your face dazed and satisfied, his twisted with worry. He had done the best he could and now he could only hope you would be as hooked on him as he was on you because, for him, that was it. He had found he had been searching for.</p><p>*</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Epilogue.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>You woke up the next day in Phillip’s bed, one of his heavy arms around your neck, basically choking you and you laughed as you turned into his chest and opened your larynx back up.</p><p>His lips pulled into a smile hearing that sound though he was still half asleep and he slipped under the covers, lifting your pajamas - his old pajamas - and dragging his lips in slow kisses over your belly and hips, the skin still feeling so hot from sleep and the blanket over you.</p><p>*</p><p>When he was all kissed out and needed caffeine and food, you made your way down into the kitchen, Hilary waiting for you there, reading some book and failing to keep a smirk off her face.</p><p>“Morning, you two.” – she greeted, offering a cheek to be kissed to each of you.</p><p>“Good morning.”</p><p>“Morning, mommy.”</p><p>“Had a good sleep?” - she asked and, for the life of you, you couldn’t look at her in the eyes, just nodding.</p><p>“You know, the house was surprisingly quiet, I was bracing myself for the 1812 Overture, complete with cannons!”</p><p>“Mommy!”</p><p>“Phillip, I’m disappointed.” – she confided, before turning to you.  – “And you, sweetheart, I commend. I always knew you were a woman of quality.” – she teased.</p><p>“Yeah, well, you didn’t hear us in the car by the warehouse.” – Phillip muttered.</p><p>“Shut up!” – you yelled at him, hitting his shoulder and he couldn’t not grin.</p><p>“Emulating your father.” – Hilary said warmly.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Oh, Phillip, honey, you know very well how your father and my first date went…”</p><p>“All too well.” – Phillip said pointedly.</p><p>“We made love on our first date in his car and look at us, stayed married forever.” – Hilary told you, ignoring her son. – “Bodes well for you too, I think.”</p><p>*</p><p>After breakfast and some more embarrassing stories about Phillip that you hadn’t heard before, you announced you should get going, to get started on the arduous process of moving your stuff out of Guiliano’s house and moving it into your parents’.</p><p>“I thought you said they would give you shit.” – Phillip asked, holding your hand, not letting you leave.</p><p>“I’m sure they will. But I’ll find something to rent asap.” – you shrugged.</p><p>“Uh huh? And how do you intend on doing that? You don’t have <em>a job</em>. Or <em>mo-ney</em>.”</p><p>“Oh, snap, you’re right. Guess that puts a spoke in my wheel, huh?”</p><p>“So…” – he prompted.</p><p>“So?” – you repeated.</p><p>“So the answer is obvious.”</p><p>You kept staring at him, so he continued. – “Let’s recap. You’re completely destitute. Love that about you, by the way.”</p><p>“I’m sure you do.”</p><p>“With no place to live. And me. Your boyfriend. Huge empty house.”</p><p>“Phillip.” – you said, trying to put him off the idea gently.</p><p>“What? I’m basically taking you in off the streets - no need to thank me, incidentally.”</p><p>“Oh, I won’t, since you put me there, shnookums.”</p><p>“Beside the point; I’m not letting you out of my sight. Last time I did that, you almost married Jewish Rocky.”</p><p>You snorted, trying to find a nice way to get out of this – it was crazy, right? Four days ago, you were yelling at him that he disgusted you, and before the week was over, he was convincing you to move in.</p><p>“There is only one condition. We can’t have a baby before Paul and Annie.”</p><p>“Count on it.” – you gave a thumbs up.</p><p>“She would kill him. I mean, I don’t care, but I know you would feel bad. He was your first crush, after all.”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>“Make me, gorgeous.” – he pulled you down and sat you on his lap, arms closing firmly around you. – “I’m giving you a great life here. We’ll be working with Paul and you can actually put your ideas into practice, unlike with Julia, the Mussolini wannabe. I trust you to do whatever you want and I’ll always listen to your suggestions – god knows they’ll be better than mine, and I’ll have you screaming every night. How can you say no to that?”</p><p>“I guess I can’t.”</p><p>“See how it was always meant to be us?”</p><p>“All I know is you better give me that life you just described or I’ll marry fucking Paul.” – you pushed a finger into his chest in warning.</p><p>“Nah. I don’ t think he’ll divorce Annie now, it sounded like he gave it to her good the other day, I bet they’re about to have a baby now. You’d have a better shot at Judd.”</p><p>“I’ll marry fucking Boner if you screw me over.”</p><p>“Ouch! Then I better be on my best behavior.” – Phillip concluded, offering his full lips for a kiss and you gave it to him.</p><p>*</p><p>Later in the week, after you gave him some time to calm down, you went and picked up some essentials from Guiliano’s house and Phillip went with you, waiting outside.</p><p>He wouldn’t talk much to you, staying in the other room as you brought out a few suitcases and boxes and Phillip took them from you – promising to be respectful and not upset Julia by entering his house – putting them in the trunk and the back seat.</p><p>As you were getting the last of the stuff, anger took over Guiliano and he leaned against the doorframe, staring daggers at Phillip.</p><p>“Hey, man.” – Phillip greeted, bold as brass.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Sup?” – Phillip asked with a tight lipped smile, battling to hold in his tongue.</p><p>“Not much. How’s that used pussy feel?” – Guiliano asked when you were in earshot, cocking his head to the side.</p><p>“Take the high road, Phillip, we’re done here.” – you advised, stepping outside, making sure not to touch Guiliano. The comment, as disgusting as it was, only made him look bad. </p><p>“Yeah, gorgeous, of course, don’t worry.” – he smiled at you, kissing your cheek as he took the box and let you climb into the car. He put the box securely between two others before whipping around to look at Guiliano.</p><p>“By the way. Feels brand new after the first four inches, Julia. Thanks for keeping it warm for me, ‘preciate it.” – he winked and hopped over the hood, making you laugh.</p><p>*</p><p>After you had moved most of you stuff into the Altman home, <em>your</em> home – you were still getting used to that – Phillip and Hilary decided to have a nice dinner, with Paul and Annie, and Linda and Horry, to celebrate.</p><p>“Well, hi there, new mommy!” – Phillip greeted, hugging Linda at the door. – “Have you met my future wife?”</p><p>She smiled and hugged you. – “We’re dating. Tentatively dating.” - you corrected, as you’d been running around and correcting an overexcited Phillip for days now.</p><p>“We’re already living together, it’s going swimmingly!” – Phillip announced, as if Linda didn’t know, but he was just so excited and wanted to talk about it.</p><p>“We’re negotiating stuff, we’ll see if this is permanent.” – you corrected, Horry looking between you two, wondering if Phillip was exaggerating or if you were downplaying it.</p><p>“We’re in love.”</p><p>“We’re fine.”</p><p>“Can’t keep her hands off me.”</p><p>“Can’t keep his mouth shut.”</p><p>“Mazel tov!” – Linda beamed at both of you, looking forward to your life together.</p><p>*</p><p>When the special 30<sup>th</sup> anniversary edition of “Cradle and All” came out, Hilary had only a short update for Phillip, out of consideration for you. By the time the 40<sup>th</sup> rolled around, she would stop walking on eggshells and go all in.</p><p>But for now, she was satisfied with what she had to report.</p><p>
  <em>Before anything, a small correction, with apologies from the author.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The fabled screaming girl, from the last special edition, was no nameless, faceless conquest. It was none other than my daughter-in-law, making her bombastic foray in the Altman residence.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thought she sounded familiar.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And you may rest assured, Phillip made it up to her sevenfold, and tenfold, and hundredfold… I never realized just how much he took after his father until he met his true companion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had been aware they were in an unspoken, one-sided competition, but Phillip’s desire to emulate his father, reserved and unreadable as he may have been at times, became evident in his relationship. He went after his wife with a tenacity unmatched by any of his siblings in any of their liaisons, with the possible exception of Wendy and her enduring love for a past flame. One has to wonder is these things are learned or passed on genetically.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whatever the case, the youngest Altman couple is expecting their first child later this year. The young Mrs. Altman has expressed she wishes to have children in quick succession, no doubt to avoid dealing with her own husband in child form. Nobody in the family can blame her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If my estimation is correct, about Phillip and his subconscious competition with my beloved Mort, I expected to have at least five grandchildren by him and I couldn’t be happier.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope to report on this in the 40<sup>th</sup> anniversary special edition.</em>
</p><p>You finished reading the chapter out loud for you and Phillip, laying in your bed, nestled in his chest as he listened and kept trying to provoke the kid in your now huge belly to move by running his hands over your stomach and lightly tapping it, calling out <em>Hello, anyone home?</em></p><p>You huffed and tears rolled down your face as you put the book down.</p><p>“What’s wrong?’ – Phillip asked, since he felt relieved that Hilary didn’t go into too much detail on you guys and you specifically. – “Oh, crap, are you annoyed she revealed it was you in the last book?”</p><p>“No.” – you whined, laughing at yourself for crying. – “I’m just hormonal. I’m really happy.” – you said, wiping away those juicy pregnant tears with your sleeve and turning to face Phillip. –“I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too, gorgeous.” – he smiled, peppering kisses all over your face before kissing your lips. – “You taste salty.” – he teased and fresh happy tears rolled down your face.</p><p>“Are you just trying to get outof putting this crib together?” – he asked, getting to his knees on the floor and looking at the instructions again.</p><p>“Oh, fully.” – you leaned into the pillows and found a good angle to watch him huff and sweat and growl as he waged war against the boards and screws, finding it uncannily attractive. – “Besides, you’ll need the practice if we’re gonna pop out four more of these.”</p><p>*</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>